She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
worst night to have a conscience
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
