As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
