Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
