he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
