oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
