I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
