I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
