You work out of a Hotel?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
