I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
