Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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