You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
