I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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