Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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