Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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