I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
