ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
