I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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