just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
