the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
