I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
