It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
