is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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