Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
