Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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