My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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