Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
