NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
