I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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