if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
