the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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