Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
