oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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