i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
