I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
