All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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