I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
