If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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