what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
