I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
