just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
