so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
