He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
