i wish semen tasted like chocolate
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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