Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
