are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
