Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
