I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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