if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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