Please, let me fuck your mom
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
