they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
