I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do herpes really smell.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had to cum in my sink.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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