I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
