he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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