You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
