Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
