Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
