he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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