Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
