During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
