I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
